My Awkward Phase

Spiro’s rough texture and acrid mint smell gagged me and nauseated me so that I barely ate. Weight loss made my thighs and arms willowy, accentuated the palpable nubs under my swollen areoles, and tapered my waist. I hid my interrupted physical transformation beneath dark, loose clothes and emotional distance from my classmates.
I counteracted Spiro-induced headaches and fatigue by stepping up my Ritalin. Wired with kiddie speed and suffering through night sweats, I struggled to masturbate myself to sleep. My sexual fantasies grew ever more explicit and violent. I ass-toyed and tugged furiously as an imaginary Miguel twisted my nipples and clawed genitals.
Uni High’s crowded corridors made me lightheaded and paranoid. Miguel’s hostile glare seemed to penetrate my façade and see the lurid sex fantasies of the girl hiding inside me, fueling ever more baroque and brutal nighttime fantasies.
But my Spiro and Ritalin strategy succeeded. My first semester grades were stellar, my college applications were filed, and the end of high school was in sight. Soon, I would be checking out of high school, moving out of my parents’ house and going to college, where I could make new friends and become a new me. I would matriculate college as an ambiguous male but graduate a gorgeous girl.
Sadie Hawkins
I cornered Anne in the Newspaper Office.
“You going to ask me to Sadie Hawkins?”
“NFW! Fake sex-role reversal,”
“Don’t over-analyze it,”
“A sham that reinforces female subservience.”
“I’ll take that as a no.”
I hated missing another of the dwindling agenda high school rituals. But when I checked my AOL account, I had an email from Marta. For Sadie Hawkins she had chosen her tutor. I was anxious about of her dating history, but the status a date with her would confer outweighed my caution.
"Dude, she's way over your head,” Quinn said.
Barb said “How lame, a date you didn’t even ask…”
“Lame was our cop out on Homecoming. Sadie’s our chance to reverse our climb-down.”
“Better things to do,” Barb said.